No Spoilers: My Year Avoiding The New Star Wars

Star Wars: The Force Awakens poster
Licensed under Fair use via Wikipedia
If you've been to the movies lately, you might have noticed some crazy chick covering her ears, closing her eyes and lowering her head when the LucasFilm logo appears on the screen.

That's me.

I'm on a quest to avoid all things Star Wars: The Force Awakens until I get to buy my ticket and sit in the theatre to actually watch the movie.

And it's been hard. Because Episode VII (or IV for the purists ;) is absolutely everywhere.
But so far, so good.

To date, all I've managed to learn is:

  • The first trailer opened with a black stormtrooper. (Face it, that got A LOT of press coverage.)
  • There's a new droid called BB8. And it works.
  • Han Solo says, "Chewie, we're home." 
  • Luke says: "The force is strong in my family. My father had it, I have it, now you have." (So I can assume he's speaking to his offspring.)
  • And, well, that's it.
Despite my best efforts, movie theatre speakers are really effing loud. There's no missing the dialogue in the trailers unless I start bringing noise cancelling headphones. But I can still avoid looking at the screen.

I have also managed to avoid clicking all trailers, extended trailers, articles, leaked photos from the movie sets, reading all the Star Wars blogs I have bookmarked in Feedly, and even avoided going to my colleague's office where she was proudly displaying that issue of Vanity Fair that featured Star Wars. I'm proud to say that I have no idea who the actors are on the cover, nor what role they play in the movie. (Was that the black stormtrooper? Dunno.)

In this crazy, hyperconnected world, this is a difficult feat which sometimes requires me to yell at my friends, "NO SPOILERS!" as I cover my ears when they mention the new movie. But everyone has been incredibly respectful of my wishes to know nothing in advance, especially when I explain why me, the Star Wars nerd, is avoiding all references to the movie:

I want to see it for the first time in the theatre without knowing anything about it. I want to be amazed and surprised and confused and excited. Like a little kid. Because, when is the last time you truly experienced something for the first time, without Googling it or knowing everything about it in advance?

Sure, it might not be a good movie and it might be a giant disappointment after I spent so much time avoiding... nah, I can't even finish the thought. It's frickin' STAR WARS. It's going to have terrible dialogue and incredible effects and an overcomplicated story line and it's going to be my favourite movie of the year. Because Star Wars.

So, in the meantime, my family will continue to kick me out of the room when they want to watch something related to the new movie. And my friends and colleagues will continue not bringing it up around me. And I will continue plugging my ears and humming to myself during previews at the theatre. And when the lights go down in December, and the music plays, I might just be the most excited one in the theatre.